Category Archives: Psychology

Losing Grip on Reality

You might say people would react most strongly to hoodlums and boys in the ‘hood, while in fact, the most negative reactions are triggered by the weird and standoffish behaviors that you might categorize as abnormal. Human beings are scared witless by having their grasp on a reality being undermined and ridiculed by some outsiders that spare them no grief. Repulsion, dismay, ridicule are all signs that someone is experiencing a serious difficulty in handling the weird the proper way, in a sense, that any reaction that comes to you immediately is natural, you would keep much calmer when observing someone react, and yet, when placed in a similar scenario, you would have the reaction you immediately dislike. Getting a handle on your reactions is more superior to acting on impulse, and that is what many people term as political correctness, which is just a thinly veined attempt at glossing over the issues in the eyes of many people. Forcing yourself to learn some forms of behavior that go against your better judgement could blow up in your face which is why you must first see and then adopt a frame of mind that would suit you the most despite any pressure.

Any Change Starts Inside

You might have to discard all you used to believe in earlier and truly encompass a new you but that would mean to soundproof those impulses that normally drove your behavior early on. That would mean you observe yourself all the time and make meaningful connections starting from scratch. That would mean relearning and unlearning till you drop just like it happens with your muscles that go flabby if not trained continuously.

What might not however work at all is your inability to perceive the world accordingly just the way it is. If you cannot grow as a person and understand the adult ways then do not expect the world to condone this kind of behavior as proper and lady or gentleman-like. Without too many words to spare, what you need to understand that in some cases there is no going back to the earlier comforts of life that you enjoyed freely. The freebies are already gone for good and what is left is just hard slog towards true maturity and wisdom that is so hard to arrive at even in adults years. What it takes is plenty of self mastery that might drive anyone crazy, but even then, you are not guaranteed any success. No wonder that so many people give up so easily, as the goodies might never come while life slips through their fingers, and they want to hitch an easier ride towards the sunset. That works mostly in the movies and fairy tales, so remember, to truly attempt self growth you need to suffer a lot in silence with no witnesses and make the best of it despite those tears beneath the surface.

Welcome Stress into Your Life

The latest methods of fighting stress typically involved staving it off with alcohol or more alcohol, which means people would tend to reach for easier solutions to guarantee themselves some respite from an ongoing pile of problems that plague their lives. Stress is a number one or two killer which explains why so many people in high stress jobs are affected by the toxicity from too many worries and, most often than not, their inability to deal with them effectively. In case of great responsibilities so many of us have to juggle daily we are prone to a quick burnout and a string of restless nights which further aggravates the problem.

Why Welcome?

In the first place, stress is now an imminent and permament quality which makes it one of the aspects of your life. Work on building enough support to free yourself as much as you can, remembering at the same time that you are not free yourself ever in total even after winning a lottery. You are always doomed to witness the ruin your body will slowly turn into and the fate of your closest relatives that would be enough to flood you with enough pain. Many people easily bounce back from the deepest pits only to show some scarring on a thick skin. They have come to accept pain as part of the adulthood and adult world, where games and deceit rule supreme. This is a killer world for those with overly sensitive skin and those strongly opposed to enforced aggression towards one another.

Whether you are thick or thin skinned you should already know that stress busters work to stave off the negative impact of an environment that is stress inducive. We place too much emphasis on forcing our opinions and our own stands so that we often lose other people’s involvement from sight, instead of listening to what they have to say. Anyone wants to feel gratified and recognized, even the lowliest of the employees, and that is where it begins. It does not solve the problem of having to face your deepest fears and your enemies, but if you take a good look at yourself and wonder what works for you, perhaps then, it would work for those stressful situations as well. The key thing is to develop wisdom to encompass all those situations and that takes more than just a bag of tricks that so many people do not carry around to produce on a whim. Unfortunately things depend to a large degree on our responsiveness to stress which is for the most part biologically determined. If you were conditioned to react with fear to a stronger opponent, emotionally or physically stronger, then you realize how easy it is to push your buttons so that you produce a given reaction which might be more than you would expect. So welcome stress into your life as no one is immune to having it in your life.

On the Other Side

The ability to control your behavior and predict the outcomes of the game is what typically could be defined broadly as intelligent behavior, though experts cannot truly agree on a single and precise definition. We could agree however that the factor g that helps us determine the level of general intelligence is behind every move that we make, from social behavior to those skills requiring abstract thinking.

The Problem

In some places even most inane ideas receive credit even if blurted out by self appointed experts on everything. The public sector companies especially abound in prophets that have no clue on most issues they are meant to be dealing with, with some disastrous consequences for the well being of their employers and other wannabe artists that are waiting their turn to get the spot. With subpar intelligence you stand very little chance of being able to perceive some subtler clues that people send to each other and you might lack some finesse and perceptive abilities to assess a situation in question accordingly and draw suitable (proper) conclusions. How did the people get in those positions anyway? Through the network of connections and a pure chance when they did not need to prove themselves much just be closely related to someone.

The consequences are quite dramatic for both virtually everyone involved in the process as mistakes keep piling up, people get miffed and then suspicious of being persecuted or upset by some of the clerks or company representatives. The superiors are the ones that are going to pay the greatest price for being misled by their earlier appraisal of their employees that have failed to come to expectations.

Chaos Is the Ruler

With the company’s restructuring the best way to introduce some personal changes is by getting rid of people who are simply not up to a task. The streamling of the company should therefore involve a reduction in the company’s labor, without necesarily weighting the personnel down with extra assignments they might find hard and too demanding. The weakest links should however be done with to improve efficiency and safety, the foolproof quality being established at every corner. Or, another option would be to send those members of the staff that show some promise off on a course to make amends, whether it it their education or the ability to think in more creative terms.

If, despite their willigness to be more independent in their decision making process they fail yet again then what needs to be done needs to be done quickly to cut off any links that bind you together. The faster that happens the better for the company and any other business entity that is linked to you.

Have You Been Stabbed In the Back?

The human ability to bounce back never ceases to amaze me. How much a single person can take and endure throughout their life is unbelievably a powerful proof that shows that a great number of people is truly capable of superhuman feats.

Backstabbing and Leg Tripping

These are normally easily observable in the realm of politics, where one person’s failure is another person’s victory and then they all hit the bar. However, being overly susceptible to criticism can be a life crippling phenomenon that poisons your body with the deluge of cortisol and being forever in the state of flight or fright that leaves you at the mercy of other people and your emotional rollercoaster of the day. What relief it is to find a cure, if you have, then share it with us at no cost.

The most powerful way to upset someone is to prove their your superiority, be it in terms of intellect or any other feat that is head and shoulders above you. Obviously that can be reached only if you let it get to yourself in any way, with some people’s collections of knives going into hundreds or more. How some manage to collect as much? Probably they have little idea how to interact with other people in the first place, part of the game is the inability to play it well to the satisfaction of both parties. Also in place of the face to face aggression, the deliberate and passive way works so much better than anything else, or when your best ideas become copied just by accident and then sold as someone else’s.

Over My Dead Body

Indeed some people would rather die than admit that they still need to plug the gaps in their knowledge or reassess anything, and that applies to virtually anyone in the hierarchy in most companies that soon are going to close shop. People hold on so tight to various illusions or beliefs that they would rather die than admit the existence of another reality in which they show their true colors that are few and far between.

All that political game playing is a useless waste of energy, though no one like to be disparaged, rather approved. Unfortunately that would take only a utopian point of view of the reality of the greatest optimist or a softie to believe anything of that kind could be pulled off. In fact the very human nature makes it impossible for many to break through the wall marked by no ambition and the strong belief that if you are working so hard then it is justifiable for the others to treat you like a doormat that you deserve supposedly. However what you should also remember about is that you would also be seen as a person that backstabs others by chance or purposedly. Now that is some food for thought.

15 Summers of the Lifetime Or the Life in Numbers

Just for the sake of it, if you just could put your life on its end or simply compute it into a series of numbers, what would those numbers stand for? Numbers seem to have this esoteric quality that some find incredibly powerful. So let’s do it.

Watershed Moments

Typically you would hear from a middle aged person that they have gone through two divorces, have three kids and replaced the fittings in their bedroom a number of times. Perhaps some spent all their lives in a row, which would be like 60 times in a seaside resort. 60 summers of suntanning the face and the myriad of souvenirs from those long lost years. 15 lovers and two marriages later some might arrive at the conclusion that their time to settle down has just arrived, they simply los the count on the way and the patterns that came with it.

Habits Are Time Killers: Life by Numbers

2000 books on various subjects and 80 visits to a doctor to check for some unnerving symptoms of made up diseases with the dashed hopes of ever becoming really ill and forgoing the more important issues along the way. 15 000 looks in the mirror in search of the first wrinkles and not even once having time to read proper literature.

More to Come

When you realize the wrong attitude that you might have been cultivating for years, perhaps its realization would dawn on you to help you seek a change and escape from numbers that have turned out to rule your life.

Mundane Issues

Now you fill in the gaps for your pleasure. The average number of nights when you are getting laid, the number of people who are actively engaged in your life and are supportive, and, the number of years left from your life. How would you see that future happening now? If you think that by the end of your life you have said certain things for at least a million times, does that not make you at least a bore? Losing time babbling about subjects you have no idea about is indeed a big waste of time, which means the time would be better spent reading a wiser person’s thoughts than even this piece. Quantify this: soon there are going to be 9 billion of people living on the planet Earth, what does that make your life in reference to the power of this sheer number?

The Last Years

Would you go back to the now from the future, say, being 85 years of age? If you do what would you miss the most if you were then told to go back? The supple body or the moment when everyone in your family were alive and well?

The Hard Rock of the Compromise

Most things in life are a matter of skill that you should hone in order to arrive at least somewhere. Some, typically parents, would define somewhere as better than nothing, as in their book it equals the ability to boast their children’s success. It is no different with learning to compromise as this is a rare skill most people master only to a certain degree, and typically, you would come across the types that express a divine belief into the my way or highway philosophy. It is rather hard to bend when you always thought people should bend low to your knees and accept little in return. That sweet and distinguished art of compromising takes some years of practice, mostly unlearning very bad habits that might be as hard as rock to get done with for good, rather, it is a lifetime process that some may find more difficult than the others.

Step by Step Approach

How can you get closer to any goal that you set depending on your grit and stamina? By observing and learning new patterns of behavior if you make enough room for improvement and assign yourself a new role, that of the learner and not necesarily the obedient one. You could ask some people around you for help but it is enough to observe how you behave under pressure, if nothing changes for a longer time and you keep snapping, that might mean that anger management and frustration do not let you see through another person’s eyes and it is always personal. Funny thing is when you become more ironic towards yourself you become less focused on the external criticism and indifferent. Just watch it, normally we are oriented outside and anything that does not conform to standards or looks stupid is enough of a catch to make a comment, if we are its victim we could practice the serious art of making fun of ourselves instead of other people, but then we should catch ourselves in the process when we are prompted to make a comment. We should attempt to attack the issue at many fronts so that we might feel less threatened, or, our ego could be more desensitized to snide remarks. Unfortunately the ego reacts out of proportion in a number of situations that are not within our reach, as you can imagine our consciousness is just the tip of the iceberg, while the rest is hidden beneath, all of which means, we are at loss when attempting to control anything.

Listen to Your Critic

That is the hardest part as no one likes criticism any more than the average person. Everyone reacts differently however to the nicely expressed criticism. Those who fear conflict are also at loss which is a misconception as you should be able to ask for what you are eg. paying for. A good deal of assertiveness comes into the play then and it is an ever ongoing dance of egos, boundaries, beliefs and approaches. But that rare art of never listening to your opponents where weak bosses fear the suggestions of their inferiors and dismiss any attempt at a compromise no matter what. But that also applies to anyone below on the ladder.